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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25114276">Loving someone (more than I can take)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/KlavierWrites/pseuds/KlavierRPF'>KlavierRPF (KlavierWrites)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Day6 (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Compliant, Fluff and Angst, Future Fic (Kind Of), M/M, Sharing a Bed, kind of Jae-centric</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 08:09:21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,289</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25114276</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/KlavierWrites/pseuds/KlavierRPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"Is it like that, though?" asks Younghyun two days later, in the car on the way back from a concert.  Sungjin’s snoring in the passenger seat and Dowoon’s got his headphones on, leaning against the car window. Wonpil's head is on Jae's shoulder – he’s fast asleep. "You and Wonpil, I mean?"<br/>"No."<br/>"Could it be?"<br/>Jae thinks about it. "Maybe," he says, "one day."</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kim Wonpil/Park Jaehyung | Jae</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>192</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Loving someone (more than I can take)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is canon-compliant, which means it's set in the "real" world. However, just to make something clear: this is still a work of fiction. This is still a fictionalised version of Day6 and their relationships, and where I've touched on real life events I've tried to make it as vague as possible. It's not intended as speculation. </p><p>My twitter is <a href="https://twitter.com/eajpils">@eajpils</a><br/>- Pacman enthusiasts, follow me.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It takes Jae a long time to get used to the casual touches. He thinks, at first, that maybe it’s a cultural thing. Koreans who were born and raised in the country are touchier as whole than Americans are, or something. That maybe their toxic masculinity doesn’t extend to a fear of patting your friend on the back. But then, Sungjin hates skinship more than Jae does; so maybe it’s not that he's American, it’s just that he's awkward. Or maybe it's something about when Wonpil touches him specifically.</p><p>He doesn’t know what to make of Wonpil at the beginning. His first thought is that he looks kind of intimidating, and then Wonpil opens his mouth and Jae realises he has the personality of a marshmallow. It’s overwhelming. Jae’s not equipped to deal with a man being that unflinchingly and unselfconsciously <em>cute.</em></p><p>Wonpil likes to kiss Jae on the cheek. well, not just Jae, but he does it to Jae the most. It's kind of like a game - he runs over and kisses him and then dares him to retaliate in some way, and Jae never does. He just stands there dumbstruck and then reacts too late, when Wonpil is already laughing manically at the expression on his face. He brings it up in an interview once. It sounds weirder out loud, and later Younghyun comments that he probably just secured himself and Wonpil some shippers. The thought makes something flutter in Jae’s chest. it’s not a wholly pleasant flutter - it’s too laced with anxiety for that.</p><p> </p><p>He thinks about it a lot: shipping. More than the others do. It helps that he interacts so directly with the fans, who are all too happy to teach him about the world of Day6 fanfiction. They send him links sometimes - he knows better than to read them.</p><p>“Don’t you find it weird?” asks Sungjin one day. He’s looking over his shoulder at Jae’s phone, open on his twitter mentions.</p><p>“All of this is weird,” says Jae.</p><p>“But, like, the shipping and stuff,” Sungjin prompts, “Jaehyungparkian.”</p><p>Jae laughs. “Good name, right? I don’t know, I think I find the whole thing easier when I’ve got some control over it. It helps to shape the narrative.”</p><p>The narrative he shapes for Wonpil is one of love-hate, emphasis on the hate. The fans lap it up – the snake jokes, the pink sweater, everything. Younghyun frowns when he sees some of his tweets and asks if he doesn’t think he’s being a bit too mean.</p><p>“It’s all jokes,” says Jae, “I know it, the fans know it.”</p><p>“Does Wonpil know it?”</p><p>Jae hesitates. “Yeah,” he says. He checks with Wonpil that same evening.  </p><p> </p><p>The thing is, it’s just easier to play Tom and Jerry with Wonpil. To turn his constant rejections into a game, one that he hypes up whenever there’s a camera pointed in their direction. Wonpil never looks hurt by the dismissals. If anything, they make him clingier. He rests his head on Jae’s shoulder, grabs his wrist to get his attention, places a warm hand on his thigh like it’s the easiest thing in the world. And when Jae protests and shakes him off, there’s always a mischievous glint in Wonpil’s eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“You love Wonpil-hyung really, right?” asks Dowoon quietly one evening.</p><p>“Of course,” says Jae, “he knows that.”</p><p>Dowoon nods, but his mouth is a thin line.</p><p>“What is it?”</p><p>“I just think it wouldn’t hurt to tell him, sometimes. Wonpil-hyung likes to know he’s appreciated.”</p><p>Jae considers this. Wonpil’s just in the next room.</p><p>“Hey, Wonpil-ah?” he calls.</p><p>“Yeah?” comes a distant voice.</p><p>“You know I love you like a ridiculous amount, right?”</p><p>A long pause. “I know,” says Wonpil’s voice through the wall.</p><p>Jae turns back to Dowoon. “See?”</p><p>Dowoon smiles. “Yeah, I see.”  </p><p> </p><p>Sometimes, Wonpil climbs into his bed. He does it when they’re rookies but stops pretty quickly when Jae makes it known he doesn’t like it, and Dowoon’s a more willing target. Around the time they’re (not) promoting Zombie, he starts again.</p><p>Sometimes, Wonpil will throw an arm over Jae and curl into his side, effectively turning him into a little spoon. His skin burns wherever their bare legs meet, but he can’t deny he finds comfort in Wonpil’s presence. He sleeps better on those nights. He wonders if Wonpil knows, and that’s why he keeps coming back.</p><p>Things are tough. He argues with the company and comes home with his eyes stinging, and he doesn’t know if it’s pollen or anger or what. Wonpil takes one look at him and folds him into a hug, chin resting on his shoulder, a soothing hand rubbing circles on his back.</p><p>“I feel stupid,” he says thickly.</p><p>“You’re not.”</p><p>“I feel like I made a big deal out of nothing.”</p><p>“You didn’t.”</p><p>Wonpil starts sleeping in Jae’s bed more than his own.</p><p> </p><p>“You two are… close.” They're on tour, and he and Younghyun are hiding out at a booth at the back of a run-down McDonalds. Jae's mouth is full of fries.</p><p>"Me and Wonpil?" he clarifies, not bothering to cover his mouth. "I guess. Why d’you bring it up?"</p><p>Younghyun gives him a significant look. "I know about the hotel rooms, Jae."</p><p>"Huh?”</p><p>"I spotted Wonpil sneaking into your room last night."</p><p>Jae’s mouth is dry from the fries, so he slurps his drink before answering. "Oh, right. We’ve been sleeping together."</p><p>Younghyun looks horrified, and Jae remembers they're having this conversation in English, and what he just implied. "Oh my God, no. Not like that."</p><p> </p><p>"<em>Is</em> it like that, though?" asks Younghyun two days later, in the car on the way back from a concert.  Sungjin’s snoring in the passenger seat and Dowoon’s got his headphones on, leaning against the car window. Wonpil's head is on Jae's shoulder – he’s fast asleep. "You and Wonpil, I mean?"</p><p>"No."</p><p>"Could it be?"</p><p>Jae thinks about it. "Maybe," he says, "one day."</p><p> </p><p>Later, Jae thinks of that tour as their last hurrah. Because, inevitably, Day6 can't last forever. Sungjin and Younghyun enlist together. It hurts to see them both go, but they all understand that it’s easier to rip the band-aid off. They do a final V-Live as a group of five and everyone cries.</p><p>The plan had been for Jae, Wonpil and Dowoon to keep things alive as a trio, but their schedules start to dwindle and there’s no word on them releasing any music. They get told they’re free to move out of the dorms if they want.</p><p>"I <em>think </em>I might want to live alone," says Dowoon uncertainly, "but I’m kind of worried I’ll get lonely. What about you guys?"</p><p>Wonpil's eyes flick towards Jae. Jae knows, suddenly, that they're thinking the same thing. "I'm staying," says Jae.</p><p>Wonpil looks visibly relieved. He hasn't slept in his own bed in about a year.</p><p> </p><p>"Hey, hyung?" whispers Wonpil. Jae had thought he was asleep.</p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>"What are you gunna do? Like, after this?”</p><p>Jae shifts, turning over in bed so that they’re facing each other. "Go back to America, I guess. Assuming that I can't make a solo career work in Korea." Eric’s managed it; he knows. But that’s no guarantee.</p><p>"Would that make you happy?" asks Wonpil softly. Jae reaches out under the covers to grab Wonpil’s hand, runs a soothing thumb over his palm.</p><p>"America would make me happy, I think." Going solo probably wouldn't, though. Not really.</p><p> </p><p>It becomes clear that JYPE has no real intention of promoting Day6 with two of its members gone. Dowoon sits Jae and Wonpil down and says he thinks it’d be best for the band if he and Wonpil got their enlistment out of the way now, so they’re back just a year after Sungjin and Younghyun. After some deliberation, Wonpil agrees.</p><p>Jae can't bear to stay in the empty dorm. He goes home.</p><p> </p><p>He's missed L.A. He's missed hearing English voices around him and the feeling of the sun slowly sizzling the back of his neck. He's missed his family, and his geriatric dog. He stays with his parents for a bit, and at first it’s nice and then he remembers all the reasons he’d been so eager to move out when he was younger. He rents a pretty nice apartment a little way away, and then he’s living alone, halfway across the world from the people he most wants to be near. His bed is cold at night, and his sleep is the most disrupted it’s been in years.  </p><p> </p><p>It hits him almost two months after being back in America. His mom starts hassling him, saying he’s never had an official dating ban and if Day6 is on hiatus anyway, couldn’t she introduce him to some nice girls? She says he seems lonely, that she didn’t say anything when he was in Korea, but now that he’s home there’s clearly something missing in his life.</p><p>He rolls his eyes and tells her she’s worrying for nothing, but she’s right. He hasn’t been in a relationship – hasn’t wanted one – for years. Because what’s a relationship if not someone who gets your sense of humour, someone you can trust completely, someone to hold you at night? Wonpil’s been filling that role for longer than Jae thinks either of them have realised.  </p><p> </p><p>Younghyun and Sungjin finish their service and naively, Jae thinks they’ll be playing the waiting game like he and the maknaes has been. He forgot what a force of nature Younghyun is when it comes to keeping busy.</p><p>He hasn’t been back a month before he’s secured he and Sungjin a radio show on Naver Now. Despite their now two-year-long hiatus, they introduce themselves and “Young K and Sungjin from Day6”. Jae watches the livestream on his phone in the early hours of the morning and misses them so bad his chest hurts.  </p><p> </p><p>Jae does ok in the American music scene. He releases a collab with MAX and compiles a SoundCloud album of eaJ songs – old and new. He buys a decent podcasting mic and carries on with How Did Get Here, albeit without the video element.</p><p>He thinks about going back to Korea. Younghyun even suggests it, hesitantly, like he’s scared Jae will blow up at him for asking. But they don’t have the dorms anymore and when Jae imagines being in the same country as Wonpil and still not able to see him, it feels like somebody is grabbing his heart and squeezing.</p><p>He doesn’t let himself do the math to figure out exactly when Dowoon and Wonpil will be done with military service. If he works it out, then he has to admit he’s waiting for it.</p><p> </p><p>“How are things in L.A.?” asks Sungjin during a rare phone call.</p><p>“Good,” Jae lies, “really good.”</p><p> </p><p>Sungjin asks for his address, and he gets a birthday present in the mail with a card signed by both he and Younghyun. Jae wonders if they’re living together, if he needs to ask for their addresses to send gifts back or if he’ll be in Korea by then. It’s the first time he really acknowledges that he fully plans on going back.</p><p> </p><p>Jae doesn’t get a lot of visitors to his L.A. apartment besides his parents, sister and the occasional delivery person.  So, he’s understandably a little confused when the buzzer goes.</p><p>“Who is it?” he asks the intercom.</p><p>The intercom’s speaker is so terrible that he can’t make out what the voice on the other side is saying, so he lets whoever it is up and just hopes they’re not a murderer.</p><p>The knock at his apartment door comes a moment later. He opens it and honestly, he doesn’t quite believe his eyes for a second.</p><p>"Wonpil-ah?"</p><p>"Hi, hyung."</p><p>Jae’s body reacts before his mind can step in and make him second guess himself, and he throws himself at Wonpil, pulling the shorter man into a fierce hug. There’s a clatter that Jae identifies a moment later as Wonpil’s suitcase overbalancing and hitting the ground as Wonpil lets go of it to wrap his arms around Jae.</p><p>They stay like that for a long moment before Jae pulls back to look at him. Wonpil’s wearing a hoodie and sweats, and his hair is cropped short - Jae hasn’t seen it that short in years, but he knows it’s not Wonpil’s choice, just military regulation. You know, the military, where he's pretty sure Wonpil is meant to be right now.</p><p>"What are you doing here?"</p><p>"Our service finished a week ago, hyung," says Wonpil. He looks nervous. "Can I come in?"</p><p>Dazed, Jae shuffles out of the way so Wonpil can enter. Wonpil picks his suitcase up off the floor and nudges it into the hallway, resting it against the wall by the door. "Sorry for just showing up like this," he says. "I wanted to see you and Sungjin gave me the address."</p><p>"You couldn’t... call ahead?" asks Jae. He closes the front door but doesn't move from his position, staring at Wonpil who’s moved a little further into the hallway. Wonpil stands firm.</p><p>"I wanted it to be a surprise," he says, "and based on that reaction, you’re clearly glad to see me.”</p><p> To Jae’s horror, he feels the beginnings of a blush crawling up his neck. It’s the first time he’s seen Wonpil since he’s been fully… aware. Of his feelings, that is. And even with the baggy clothes and dodgy haircut Wonpil looks <em>good.</em></p><p>"I've missed you a lot,” says Jae honestly.</p><p>"Me too,” says Wonpil. “That’s why I came. I was hoping I could stay for a few days?”</p><p> </p><p>They get takeout. Wonpil asks him about life in America, about his plans for eaJ, about his eating habits and sleeping habits and how he’s been managing his anxiety. From anybody else it would be overbearing, but because it’s Wonpil, Jae just feels this sense of comfort. Like he’s being taken care of. It’s the most he’s talked in months, and his throat kind of hurts by the time Wonpil mentions that he’s tired.</p><p>"You could – uh. Sleep on the couch?"</p><p>Wonpil looks at him steadily. "You said you’re not sleeping well at the moment, right?"</p><p>"Er– yeah.”</p><p>"Then if you want, I could…?" Wonpil trails off. Jae gets what he's offering, and his heart leaps.</p><p>"Yes,' he says. "Yeah, let’s do that."</p><p> </p><p>There’s this uncertainty around sharing a bed that’s unfamiliar. It’s like they’ve forgotten how they fit together, or maybe they’ve just gotten shy. Wonpil changes into a t-shirt and boxers and waits for Jae to indicate which side of the bed is his before getting in. And then they’re just lying in the dark, several inches apart. It’s weird.</p><p>“You can–” Jae feels his face heat again, and wonders if this is going to be a regular occurrence now. He’s glad he’s facing away. “You can like… touch me, you know.”</p><p>Wonpil shuffles a little closer and places a hand on Jae’s waist. It’s still awkward.</p><p>“No,” says Jae, and then sighs. Maybe it’s time he took some of the initiative. He turns to face Wonpil and very deliberately throws an arm and a leg over him, dragging him towards him in an octopus hug and burying his face into Wonpil’s neck.</p><p>Wonpil laughs. “Pretty sure we didn’t use to sleep like this, hyung.”</p><p>“Fuck it, I’m trying something new,” mumbles Jae. “can’t leave me to go back to the fucking military if you can’t escape.”</p><p>“I’m not leaving,” says Wonpil. His tone carries a weight that Jae’s not equipped to understand in his half-asleep state.</p><p> </p><p>"Hey, Jae-hyung?" says Wonpil over breakfast.</p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>"Do you..." Wonpil trails off. Jae puts down his phone to give him is full attention.</p><p>"What is it?"</p><p>"Do you… um. Do you want to go back to what we were before?"</p><p>What were they before? Closer than friends, but just friends nonetheless. A pair of grown-ass single men sleeping in the same bed. "Uh – I don’t know, Pillie."</p><p>Wonpil's face falls. "Oh. Right. Well that's, uh. Fine."</p><p>Jae scratches the back of his neck. "I didn't know what we were, Pil. I still don’t really know what we are.”</p><p>Wonpil bites his lip. "We don’t have to label it.”</p><p>Jae sighs. "Well, what if I want to label it? What if it’s kind of killing me not labelling it?"</p><p>Wonpil stares at him, clearly taken aback.</p><p>“It’s – fuck. Look. My mom keeps trying to set me up with people, and I asked her why she was doing it now and hadn’t been before. She said I didn’t seem like I needed a relationship before. And yeah, that could just be because I was busy with the band, but we both know it wasn’t,” says Jae. </p><p>Wonpil is quiet for a moment, then says, “Most of the guys I was stationed with had girlfriends or wives back home.”</p><p>Jae doesn’t say anything, just waits for him to go on.</p><p>“And I didn’t, obviously. But I also really related to them when they’d talk about how much they missed their partners, and the things they missed about them. Because I had that with you, hyung.”</p><p>“So you’re saying…?”</p><p>Wonpil swallows. “If you wanted to label this as a relationship, I’d be ok with that.”</p><p>“Ok with that?” repeats Jae.</p><p>Wonpil flushes. “I’d want that,” he clarifies.</p><p> </p><p>They make out on Jae’s sofa and it’s more soft than anything else. “I’ve wanted this–” says Wonpil, pressing a kiss to Jae’s cheek, “for ages. Didn’t know how to ask for it, though.”</p><p>“Pretty sure you kissed my cheek without permission a hell of a lot back when we were rookies.”</p><p>“Shut up, you know what I mean,” says Wonpil, kissing the other cheek and then pressing one to his nose for good luck, “I was weird and conflicted by how attractive I thought you were back then, don’t make fun of me.”</p><p>“Who’s making fun?” asks Jae, running a hand up and under Wonpil’s shirt and grinning at the slight shudder he elicits. “it was cute. You were cute.”</p><p>“I’m still cute.”</p><p>Jae’s hand creeps a little higher, kissing away Wonpil’s tiny gasp. “I’m not denying that.”</p><p>Wonpil smacks him lightly on the arm. “Don’t be greasy, hyung.”</p><p>Jae obediently removes his hand from under Wonpil’s shirt and pulls back a little.</p><p>“Wait, no,” says Wonpil, “come back. Be as greasy as you like.”</p><p>Jae laughs.</p><p> </p><p>Wonpil had only planned to be in L.A. for a few days. “Do you want me to arrange to stay here longer?” he asks, “I know you’re happier here than in Korea.”</p><p>Jae blinks at him. “Wait, why do you think that?”</p><p>“Sungjin-hyung said-”</p><p>“Oh,” says Jae. “I lied. I’ve been low-key miserable this whole time.”</p><p>Wonpil looks horrified. “Don’t say that with such a smile on your face.”</p><p>“Why not? I’m not miserable now, am I? You’re here.”</p><p>Wonpil goes bright red and Jae cackles, delighted that he can now use declarations of affection to embarrass Wonpil as effectively as he’s always been able to embarrass Jae with his over-the-top aegyo.</p><p>“So you’d be up for moving back to Korea, eventually?”</p><p>Jae pretends to think about it. “Well… only if you’re there.”</p><p>Wonpil smacks him with a pillow.</p><p> </p><p>After an almost three-year hiatus, Day6 finally release new music.</p><p> They’d been a little worried, initially, that fans would pick up on Wonpil and Jae’s changed relationship status. The five of them had even sat around the table, making contingency plans should something leak.</p><p>They needn’t have bothered, though. None of the fans notice anything different, which just goes to show that – as Younghyun points out delightedly – they had always been that clingy.</p>
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